Damn I heard the marriage word a few too many times this past weekend. I was kind of expecting it from a few people but definitely not from every single person I met over the 3 days. It was my cousins wedding this past weekend so as is usual you get to meet everyone in the family well almost everyone, my cousin Mohammed didn’t pitch up and left his phone switched off and I think he was real clever to do that. I think he knew the barrage of questions me and him would face and he decided he wasn’t in the mood for all the crap.All the girls in the family are married now so everyones attention turns to us. I went into the weekend a little bit more optimistic thinking there may be the odd question as to when I will be getting married and I even had the perfect answer “Inshallah make dua” and that usually works but no this weekend was different.
From Friday night as soon as I had finished greeting a person they would immediately ask when is your big day? I usually replied with my well thought off answer but NO!!!! It didn’t work, and I didn’t have a plan B. It was bad planning on my path. I was then usually lectured about how we should think about getting married when we young so that when we have kids we not too old. Others told me in quite a stern manner that I should stop messing around and settle down now and leave all these “fast” girls and find a good girl to marry. A few of the uncles even told me about some lecture they had heard where the Moulana said we should go to places like Bosnia and marry the girls from there because it is our duty as Muslims. I actually thought they were joking for a second but then realised they were being serious. At this point I really wished Mohammed was there because at least all the attention wouldn’t be on me. Damn bastard left me in the trenches alone. I’ll get him back one day.
If any of you out there get hassled what is usually the best answer to give to deflect attention? I need to come up with a new strategy.
Monday, July 6, 2009
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10 comments:
you could tell them either:
a) That you're gay and waiting to come out of the closet.
or
b) That you already married and divorced, where have they been...
My favourite repsonse especially to those who like to say "Oh when you're getting married? I feel like going to a wedding", is "When you dying? I feel like going to a funeral"
Edge I agree with the older people on this...its time you came over to my side...
so i kinda worked out that you and i are the same age. Last year when my smaller sister got married I was the MC and right at the start of my speech I mentioned that i will get married when the time is right so could people please stop asking me.
I used to answer with a very vague 'soon' and a smile.
I really do want to get married by the end of the year though.
as for the Bosnian/kosovan/kashmiri solution - well, apart from the cultural and language barriers that I dont feel like bridging I would only be really marrying them for their beauty and not because of Islam. I mean - its not like I was going to marry the ugly amputated Bosnian girl, I would have chosen a hot one. so Yeah - Intention would have been wrong .
as for sarcastic responses you could always say..
Allah has a greater purpose for this body than marriage, then rub your hands together, make your eyes menacing and scream 'ALLAHUAKBAR"!' while raising your hands.
Tell
'Uncle farouk, you'l know when i get married... i'l leave you an offline message on mxit.
My new line (it's a little out there)
I was going to get married, but he apparently didn't like how I gave blow jobs. but i told him he could get his mom to teach me!
My aunt nearly choked and my mom nearly keeled over laughing
Yoh, how rof is Aasia ... Think I am officially shocked
Shoobs, no need to be shocked, my family is very "outspoken" most of them are very openminded.
The answer to their question should be:
As soon as you find me the right girl. I'll email you my requirements *big smiley face*
Azra - The divorced one wont go down too well it will just lead to more questions
Stunna - Soon you know i'm working on it.
MJ - We vain bastards always go for the looks... lol
Aasia - Full marks for shock factor. I am sure I can adapt that line for my own use.
Shoobs - lol
Shameema - That might actually work :)
*bookmarks this*
will rsvp soon
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